25 Reasons

I joined WeightWatchers two weeks ago. Week one I actually gained weight and I thought, this is never going to work. Then I went to weigh in today and I lost over 6 lb. Woo hoo! Go ME!

It's not a big deal, especially since I just read the O Magazine makeover edition and that showed women who lost like 75 lb. So whatever, my 6 might not be a big deal to them, but it is for me. And it's the first step toward some weight loss.

At the meeting today they asked us to come up with 25 reasons WHY. Why are you doing this? was the question. Oh let me count the ways...

1. My 6-year old asked me why I was chubby when I bend over.
2. I've been asked when I was due...fairly recently.
3. My pants don't fit so well.
4. I was shopping for Halloween costumes and I'm very disappointed that I'm too fat to be a Playboy bunny this year.
5. I hate swimsuit season and I want to like it.
6. I naturally like to be nakie. (who doesn't like being naked?) But only in my own bedroom. Wouldn't it be great if I could just be naked all the time in my own house and be confident about it?
7. I want to wear a bikini.
8. I want to be like my 6-year old and have my pants be so loose that I have to wear a belt.
9. My BMI says I'm obese. That's not cool. I don't want to have that high of a BMI anymore.
10. A better sex life. Have you ever tried having heavy-person sex? I will spare you the details.
11. To look better than I do right now. I have a fat face. I want a skinny face.
12. To say I did it. There - I told you. I am very competitive and if I can say I did it then I win.
13. I don't want to be a plastic/over-athletic mom from my kids' school but I'd like to not be the fat one anymore.
14. I want to get hit on at the bar. And not by drunk 60-year olds, either. By men my own age.
15. I want to look younger than my age, not older.
16. I don't want anyone to be able to tell that I've had 3 kids.
17. To set an example for my children, that eating healthy and being active makes you healthier.
18. I want my drivers license weight to be somewhat truthful. (Is it illegal to blatantly lie about your weight? I sure as hell hope not!)
19. I don't want that "pants tattoo" there when I unbutton my work pants. I can tell exactly where all those buttons were on my waist.
20. I want to see my own feet when I step on the scale.
21. I have pieces of my stomach that I don't even know where they belong. They just need to go away.
22. There are many styles of clothes that I simply can't wear at my size. I'd like more variety in my wardrobe.
23. My dad told me I have to lose weight or it will be harder later in life.
24. Short people shouldn't be fat. I'm almost to the point of crossing the line and looking like an umpa-loompa.
25. Skinny girls have more fun! (or so they say, I wouldn't know but I'm trusting them!)

Furniture

I have NEVER purchased new furniture. I am 31 years old, and every piece of anything in my house is used. (Other than some Ikea bedside tables which don't count because Ikea furniture is not real furniture.)


That's really sad when I type it out for the world to see. Used couches, used tables, used TV, used bookshelves, used dresser.

Now, when I got married we had no money. I mean like eating cream of chicken on spaghetti noodles for dinner no-money. My in-laws bought us a new mattress, but everything else in our apartment was used. We bought things online, had things given to us, and had a hod-podge of furniture. I was 21, so fine. I didn't care.

When more babies came, and we owned a house, I still would not buy anything new. We were eating chicken in our dinners now, but I couldn't bring myself to spend the money. When the dog ate the couch (literally ate the foam right out of the back of the couch) I didn't replace it. I got a huge-ass roll of duct tape and a new slip cover. Still have that eaten up couch today.

Rules about children and furniture:
1. No play-doh inside. This is a play-doh free zone. Play outside with it all you want but do not bring that stuff in my house. It is evil.
2. Children may not eat or drink on any carpeted area of my house. Ever.
3. Carpets must be professionally cleaned once per year.
4. I refuse to buy new furniture until there are no sippy cups or pull-ups in my house.

I still have never bought any brand new, from a real-life furniture store, furniture. None.
I am really sad about that actually, but I think that it would be ruined within hours at the most. Someone would throw up on it or something. Plus, I would much rather take a slip cover off when it's too full of dog hair, than try to get the dog hair out of a couch. It's super fun to take off the slip cover and empty it on the laundry room floor to see what kinds of things I find. And, my mother thinks that I am the master of putting a slip cover on a couch. I require a wooden spoon, which she thinks is hilarious and is always in awe at my slipcovering skills.

My dog-eaten, slip-cover couch

So if you come visit my house and nothing matches, it's because I refuse to invest in something that is going to be ruined. Yes, I am in my thirties and have a slipcover couch. I have re-used tables I stained myself, and I have beat up stools at the counter. They also might be covered in jelly, but I don't care, so watch out when you sit down.

These Are the People In My Neighborhood

I am overwhelmed with how I love my neighborhood community!

Three years ago, when the school district closed our neighborhood school, I was devastated because I knew the teachers, the parents, the kids. I thought it would completely scatter us all to the wind. But it hasn't been so! Although my kids go to a school accross town, and I work full-time now, I have never felt like I'm more part of a community.

I went to the Cub Scouts open house, and there was another neighborhood mom who volunteered to be the den leader. I brought the little one to preschool, and know a handful of other families going to the same preschool. I was sick last night, and was up until 2AM at the ER. I had an offer from a mom whose kids go to a different school, to drive my kids to school. I was re-decorating the boys' room and a neighborhood mom dropped off some unused Star Wars decorations for me. We had our neighborhood parade this year and I met even more neighbors and new friends.

I am so blessed and overwhelmed by what a generous, helping, encouraging neighborhood I live in!!

Shopping

I went shopping this weekend, like in a real-life mall. I really don't like shopping of any kind. I don't even enjoy grocery shopping. Anyway, I realized that my normal size doesn't really fit all that well. It's quite depressing, that I am NOT my normal size.

I lost a lot of weight in 2008, when Jack was born. But that is a terrible diet plan, really. Life crisis = rapid weight loss. It wasn't a healthy way to lose weight, but I did manage to keep it off for about a year. I was skinnier than I had been since high school at that point.

So I am going to join weight watchers. Hopefully I can get high school skinny again!
Wish me luck! I will check in with status updates.

An Historical Look at The First Days of School

I joke with my kids and yell at them "Stop Growing!!"

...and they laugh and say "but I have to."

A look back at the First Days of School...

2011:

G - 4th grade, B - 1st grade

2010:

G - 3rd grade, B - kindergarten

(with addition of small child who refused to get dressed)

2009:

G - 2nd grade (and first year at a new school)

2008:

G - 1st grade

2007:

G - kindergarten

First Day of School!

Today was the first day of school. Yeah!

Well, G was alright. She wasn't excited so much as anxious and stoic. B on the other hand was really excited and confident. He said "Mom, I feel like such a big kid because I'm a first grader." Yeah, buddy, you're huge!

I was such a dork that I used to LOVE the first day of school, well into high school and college. It was so exciting to me. It was my own theoretical tabula rasa each and every fall. I loved the new notebooks, the new syllabi, new schedule, new friends, new subjects. I was beaming inside each year on the first day of school, even though I acted nonchalant on the outside.

I hope my kids really have that same enthusiasm like they're going to explode. I hope they were secretly in the backseat wondering which friends they would sit next to, and what the cover of their math book would look like. I hope they enjoyed opening their organized desks, and finding their clean cubbies.

As an adult I miss that. Wouldn't it be nice to have your own tabula rasa each and every fall? Not really to start over, but to continue on with your adventure in life. To start again fresh.

Blessings to my children today and throughout this school year. I pray that you are kind to all, helpful to all, respectful to all and that you enjoy learning all the amazing things you will learn this year.

Family Vacation

Growing up, we did a lot of traveling, and I am so grateful to my parents for allowing us to explore the world. I was on a plane more times than I can count. Some where just our immediate family, and some trips were with extended family. We even did a 3 week road trip out east when I was about 15. We went on cruises, to resorts, skiing, to the beach, history tours...

I haven't been as fortunate because traveling with kids is expensive. I don't have the means to travel with my kids much. We usually go camping about once a summer, and we do some long weekend trips but stay in Minnesota. When we had the opportunity to go to California for my cousin's wedding, I jumped at the chance to travel with my kids.

All in all it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was apprehensive that we would leave with 3 kids, and come back with only 2, since I thought for sure I would kill one of them. But alas, it was great!! I am so glad I was able to do this for my kids and give them fun travel memories like I have. And we clean up real nice, don't we???

The Re-blog

I read in a magazine that since it's the end of June, it's a good time to reassess your goals and resolutions you made for the new year. I thought that was an excellent idea!

I don't think many people read my blog, but I enjoy writing it. So I will write more!

My divorce is final. (Yeah!) Just the minor detail of the title on the house, but other than that, we are legally un-married. I don't like cheering for a divorce, but come on. I re-considered throwing myself a divorce party because that just seemed unnecessary and dark.

Instead I am going to focus on my 30th birthday!! My thoughts on turning 30 are for a different blog, because I have much to say on the topic.

Work

I have been busy! BUSY.
I am now working full time. I have no idea where I even found 40 hours in the week to give to a company, but I did. Whew! It does feel good to have my own workspace, feel accomplished at the end of the day, and contribute to society...and mostly talk to other adults.

But it's quite tiring. Here is my typical morning:

6:15 am wake up and grab coffee
6:30 in the shower
6:40 start makeup and turn lights on to wake up kids
6:55 wake up older two children
7:00 get self dressed and hair done
7:05 wake up the baby, nurse baby, get baby dressed
7:15 grab lunch, another coffee to go, get out the door
7:30 drop boys off at daycare
7:45 drop daughter off at dad's house or wherever she is staying until school starts
8:00 start work!

The older kids are doing well with getting themselves ready in the morning, so that's good. They get up and brush their teeth, and get dressed (in clothes laid out the night before. that is key). They don't eat breakfast at home, unless they are "starving" so I make them cinnamon toast for the car ride. I eat breakfast at work. Oatmeal in a styrofoam cup.

I have no energy because it's Friday night....more on this going to work thing later...

My baby

Here is a picture of my youngest when he was born. Look how teeny tiny he was!! 5 lb 6 oz and 6 weeks early. He has his one year doctor visit this afternoon and I'll find out how much he weighs and how his development is going. He seems to me to be perfectly happy and healthy to me and if I may say so, the cutest little bugger in the whole world!!!

Happy Birthday Jack-Jack!!

My Single Baby

One year ago right now, my water broke. 10:30 PM on Saturday, July 19, 2008, my water broke while I was at my parents' house. I was only 34 weeks pregnant, and my sister's wedding was the following Saturday. Also, my two oldest children were born cesarean, so I had to have a repeat cesarean - not good to have your water break and go into labor.

It's kind of a funny story. My sister had just had her hair cut. She was really upset because she didn't like how the stylist had cut her hair - only one week before her wedding. "And the pictures last forever," she said. "I can't have bad hair!" So we all gathered in the living room to cheer her up. My brother told a joke and I laughed. I thought I had peed my pants, from laughing so hard. But then I stood up and realized that was not pee!

My mother and sister drove me to the hospital, with towels between my legs. At that point I was having pretty painful contractions and was worrying about the baby. But mostly I was worried about me. I wasn't ready for this baby, and my sister's wedding was only a week away!!! Cesareans mean 4 nights in the hospital for me, plus a few weeks of exhaustion and recovery.

My beautiful little boy was born in the wee hours of the morning on July 20, 2008. He weighed just 5 lb 6 oz, but was healthy. He didn't know how to suck, so I worked tirelessly to teach him how to nurse. He left the special care nursery 14 days later, able to nurse and ready to come home.

I call my youngest "My Single Baby" because, really, I have been a single mother to him since before he was born. In case you didn't notice, there is one important figure in this story missing: my baby's father. He moved out 3 months before I went into labor. He had divulged his affair to me just 6 weeks prior to me going into labor, and I had just moved back home alone with my children, after a 2 week recovery period at my parents' house, just 4 weeks before going into labor.

I was very very much a single mother. I had to find family members to watch the kids while I was at the hospital. I had wonderful family and friends drive me to the hospital every day to nurse him for 3 or 4 of his feedings during the day. I was the only advocate for this teeny tiny baby in the special care nursery, trying my best to get him home - to this family consisting of just a mother and siblings.

My Single Baby has never lived with his father. He does not know a two-parent household. He still wakes up in the middle of the night to nurse, because there is no one else to go in and comfort him and help him fall asleep. He probably doesn't get the same patience the other kids got at that age - I just don't have what I used to. But he is loved SO much, by me, his siblings, extended family and wonderful friends. I am so blessed to have him in my life, to care for him every day, and to love him. At night, when I nurse him to sleep, I often think that he is all mine. He is my baby. All mine. And I relish that. My Single Baby.

My Green-ish Thumb

I am soooo sore. I decided last night that this would be the day I would tackle the little patch of earth in my front yard. I think it used to be grass, which died. Then we bought sod, and that died. It is that little circular area between my porch and my walkway to the front door. You know what I'm talking about - awkward area, right?
So today I spent way too much money on perennials at Home Depot. Then came home and realized that somewhere along the line, it had been a rock garden. Great! Then went to True Value to buy manure and topsoil. Put that down and graded the pretty little mound of earth. Then laid out landscaping tarp, and finally, planted 15 or so perennials.
This adventure took me all day! Why do I always underestimate how long it will take me do complete projects? I thought it would take me the morning, then I could organize my garage in the afternoon. No way... now the poor garage is being left until next week sometime.
I will post pictures of my masterpiece once I take some. I was too tired to lift the camera. Taking some Tylenol PM tonight for this sore back.

Things I Learned While Camping With Three Children

1. Campgrounds are like a trial-run for the real world our children are entering. They got quite a few liberties on this camping trip, like going to the bathrooms alone, roaming the area on bikes, and meeting new friends. They also had some lessons. Like don't ditch your little brother. If your little brother is running, and you are biking, slow down so he doesn't get left behind. Also, if Mom has to go to the bathroom and it's not dark enough to pee next to the tent, don't even think about touching that fire when I am gone. And I am taking the little brother with me, because he would do more than think to touch the fire.
2. Invest in a 5-way pack-n-play. They are way cooler than a regular pack-n-play because they not only contain small children, and have wheels for moving it into the tent at night, but they include a sun-protecting mesh canopy thing. It's awesome!
3. Put your cell phone number or camp site number on your children's arms with permanent marker or pen. (I can not take credit for this idea, only the implementation.)
   (gasp!) but that will seep into their skin and isn't good for them!
   Well, neither is being kidnapped or getting lost in the dark in an unfamiliar campground. OK?
4. Candy thrown from 4th of July parade floats and cupcakes do not a meal make. This is why this "meal" will sooner or later (probably sooner) make a repeat appearance. This one's a lesson for ME. Next time I will force feed them real food or not allow the eating of parade candy as it's thrown.
5. Someone should invent child-sized ear plugs. Boy #1 can fall asleep anywhere (and has been crashed on my living room floor for 2 hours as I type this). Boy #2 is an infant, and when tired enough, can also sleep through anything. However, Girl #1 did not like our neighbors singing and talking loudly until midnight. She had me call the main office to tell them about it, but no one answered the call. She was stuck with trying to fall asleep through the noise and I was stuck with her waking me up several times to tell me she couldn't fall asleep.
6. Don't forget your air mattress. I actually left it at home because there is a small leak and I didn't have the time or energy to fix it before we left. Bad idea!!! Dirt is hard! I would have rather started on the mattress and ended up on the ground, than just started off on the ground.
7. Don't forget your toothbrush. In all truthfulness, I wouldn't have cared if one of the kids forgot theirs. When unsupervised, they brush for all of 5 seconds anyway. Yeah, it was me. I had to borrow G's. It was that or nothing, and I do not like that fuzzy sweater feeling on my teeth at night, camping or not.
8. Camp eggs and toast is the absolute best! I look forward to that meal every time I go camping. There is something about that camp toast...I butter both sides of the bread and put it on the griddle right next to the eggs. Then flip. It's a cross between french toast without the french, or grill cheese with no cheese. Yum!
9. Bring a bike for everyone. The kids had fun riding around on the trails and with their friends. The last day of camping I rented a bike, and a bike trailer for the boys. I was thinking we'd ride for a few hours. Yea, the bikes they rent don't have hand-brakes. That was fine. Weird, but fine. They also are one-speed. Have you ever tried towing 40 lb. of small children uphill on a one-speed bike? It wasn't easy.
10. Children will eat a marshmallow that lands anywhere. Even if it lands in the fire and is picked back up onto the pokey-thing. It will get eaten. Don't ask me why.

Jon & Kate

I heard Jon and Kate (of Jon & Kate Plus 8 fame) filed for legal separation.

I don't like their show because it stresses me out just to watch it. Kate is way too intense for me. I don't know her, so I can't judge her. It is not entertaining for me to watch, so I stopped watching it a while ago.



I am of the age, or maturity, or whatever, that I don't waste time on media that doesn't entertain me. I don't finish boring books, and I change boring television shows. I have better things to do with my time.



Back to the divorce: it makes me sad. I don't like hearing that any marriage breaks up. My sympathy is for the children. First, their parents decide to use in vitro to get pregnant. They desperately wanted children, so many in fact, that they ended up with eight after only two pregnancies. That would be hard enough to explain to young children, and now they have to explain they are getting divorced.



I don't think those kids have a chance. Growing up with cameras in their house, watching their parents' marriage break up. My sympathies and prayers are with those children.

"At Least You Have Your Kids"

So...more and more I am realizing that I am alone. I am lonely.
I don't have a partner, a spouse, a confidant, etc. blah blah...
(quit yer complainin', I hear you say)

Ok, Ok. When good friends ask how I am doing, I share that I am adjusting to being alone. What really erks me is some people's response:
"Well, at least you have your kids."

What? Like my children are the consolation prize for not having a husband? Like they can somehow fill that void that I have for a partner and a best friend. I firmly believe that your children should never be your best friends. I am sorry, but those women out there who claim that their 16-year old daughter is "my very best friend" are very sad indeed. Really??? You share everything, you tell her everything? I don't think that's healthy or normal.

Granted, I do believe that when children are adults that it is fine to be friends with them. But best friends? I still cringe when I hear my mother talk about anyhthing sexual and my dad in the same sentence. There is a line you just don't cross, and when your children are your very best friends, you've crossed a line that is unhealthy.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I have unconditional love for them and think they are the best kids in the whole wide world. But that doesn't mean that they can hold the place of another relationship. Nor would I want them to feel that way. Then one day (God willing) when I fall in love, and find a partner, my poor kids would feel pushed aside, since they were holding that spot for me.

For the time being, there is a little vacant place in my heart. But it's ok for it to be vacant. Yes, at least I do have my kids, but they have been and always will hold their own special place in my heart.

The Cutest Little VBSers

I have to share this photo of Vacation Bible School.

The big kids love going and have so much fun! But what I love about this photo is that it shows you the adorable little shirt they got for Baby J. I just love that he was included! And he wore his shirt every day, just like the big kids.

The Unexpected Kindness of Friends

I had a mini-melt down today because I was paying the bills. It happens almost every month. I freak out because of money, then I get really anxious that I haven't found a job. Now, I have to admit, I should be spending more time looking for work. I do apply to positions that look of interest, and look into opportunities that friends present me with. BUT I should be doing more. I need to dedicate a few hours each and every day to this.

Anyway, I had a little melt-down. So I called an old friend and we talked, mainly about job opportunities. I had meant the call to be for networking, but I must have come accross as more desperate and upset than I thought. My friend stopped by after work today and brought me a gift. My friend brought me some money. (as a loan - I will pay it back when I am in a better spot) I thought that was the nicest thing that someone could do for me. Without words, advice, chastising, or expectations, or strings attached, my friend just did what my friend could do. Wow.

One year

I don't take much time to think about the events that led to me finding out my marriage was over. What I think about is what my life is like now, and the things I must deal with in the present and future. If I spent time thinking of these tragic life events, I would dwell in anger, hurt and pain. I am not repressing feelings or denying that I still feel that way. However, I don't indulge the feelings.

This Memorial Day weekend was one year since my panic attack, when I found out that my husband had been unfaithful in my home while I was on vacation for the weekend. Then proceeded to find out it had been going on for three months, since he had moved out, and I was left at home to care for a 6 and 3 year old, and my pregnant self. It pisses me off just writing it.

One year feels like a lifetime. I am still angry, but I also feel that this year has brought so many changes, a lifetime worth of change.
I am grateful that this happened.
That's right - I am grateful. I thank God for many things.

1. I hadn't spoken to my dad in a year and a half, and this huge life event forced us to become closer. Literally and figuratively. I stayed in his house for two weeks while recovering from the attack, and learned to value his advice and relationship. I am thankful that we are now very close.

2. I know what I can handle. By gosh, if I can handle all of this, and live to see the other side, then I can handle just about anything!! I feel like such a strong person, and empowered to know what I can handle. People say to me, "I don't know how you do it." or "I can't believe you are going to do that - I couldn't handle it." What is my choice? to hide under a rock? I will take my children on a road trip by myself. I will try my best to raise two boys who will not remember having a father at home. I will continue to live in and maintain my house as best I can (no matter how daunting that is). I will take the children camping. Because if I can handle such a life-altering, painful situation that I did one year ago, I can handle anything!

3. I feel I have a stronger hold on my own values and my faith in God. Without Him, how would I have survived? How do I continue to survive? Only by God's grace and love. I know the values are most important to me as I live my life, especially as an example to my children.

4. I really do have a wonderful family. My brothers and sister, my mother and father, almost surprised me with what they did for me. They showed me that they are capable of unconditional love, and that they really would do anything for me. I hope one day I can show them that I would do the same.

5. I really need a vacation!!! I had been saying that for years, but man it is so true now. And I am doing something about it! I am saving money little by little so that next fall I can go away by myself.

Wayfarer Candles

My brother introduced me to this cute little candle company in Naperville, IL. They not only have a shop, but make the candles right there. They are all natural and smell soooooo good!
Visit their web site:
http://www.wayfarercandles.com/

Running Shorts

Yes, I am still training for the marathon. No, I am not on-schedule with my long runs. Kind of freaking out, but it will be ok. I have been working on the weekends, on my feet all day. So my long-run day is taken up with work. My whole schedule is off.

I only own one sports bra, and two pairs of bike shorts. That's what I run in. I love bike shorts for working out. They look terrible on anyone, but they are so comfortable.

I went to Old Navy today. Found a sports bra that fit nicely. But tried on "running" shorts. OK - seriously, who are those comfortable to? Only skinny-minnies I think. Seriously, I just walk around and I'm pulling them out of my crotch. Is it for those people whose thighs don't touch when they walk? I am running so I can become one of you, I am not there yet. So I think I will go get some cheap-o bike shorts just to bug the "runners" out there in their "running" shorts that don't work for crap for those of us that jiggle a little as we jog. so there.